No, seriously. I know I'm not the first person to think this about X'mas, but to me it seems to bring out the worst in everyone - more so than any other holiday.
I live in Seattle, right? Fairly tech-y city with a port, not that this means much. I live a stone's throw from a mall, also – apparently not that far from the Penny Arcade office, either, if their posts are true – and consequently I get to hear sirens practically every day. (This is not so bothering – I came from a smaller town, but I lived in the U-District for a couple of years – and they are almost always fire trucks or ambulances.)
But I also work in the mall (or 'worked', depending on how things turn out). Working in retail is always fun the three or four days before X'mas, but my place of employment attracted a higher breed than, say, Nordstrom or JC Penny – usually. I went back for a pay stub yesterday, and the first thing I see is an irate customer telling first the Head Cashier, then the Manager, that he wants his money back – the shoe apparently not fitting. (I obviously walked in on the tail end of a conversation, and it wouldn't surprise me if the HC exasperated the situation somewhat – it nearly happened before.) So, they can't refund his money – something that can only be done with credit purchases – and would he like a gift card or store credit in its place? But no. This guy insists on getting his money back. “You have my card number in your computer! Look it up!” “What am I supposed to do with a credit! He's already gone back to college!” (by this point, I'm guessing why 'he' left so soon after X'mas – wish we could send 'him' the video, it'd get a few laughs in a frat) He'd gotten so worked up, that as he leaves and passes me, he spits out that I shouldn't buy anything from them (I get a discount, as long as I work there...) and that he'll never shop there again.
Sigh. I can't quite put into words just how far 'gone' this guy went; I'm just not that good a writer, and my memory is foggy besides. But in retrospect, there are a few things seriously wrong with his reasoning. First, if we can look up his card number so easily, what's to keep us from committing massive credit fraud? Second, gift cards (ours, at least) work online – and we have many things amusing things online that, for space reasons, we can't put up in the store. (Not to mention that, in a smaller college town, it's often easier to buy online – and if he went as far away as to make gift sending difficult, say Pullman, it's preferable.) Finally, the guy was trying to return a pair of 'shoes' that were more expensive than a pair of surprisingly comfortable slippers we sell – no trade, no store credit, not a whole lot of thought for the recipient, just 'gimme gimme gimme'.
Is this typical? I don't act like this – if I can only find one thing in a store, I don't bother – and it confuses me why someone would. So now I wonder if the dude was a Christian – and if so, to what extent. Agnostic? Bible in the house? Bible in the bedstand? Church, per wedding/funeral? Per 'every now and then'? Per month? Per week? Per X'mas? Or not at all?
Yeah, I know I have no readers, so I'm just asking the empty air. Or God, or Jesus (“What Would Jesus Blog” – heh). Cyberspace Jesus, fresh from being Sweet Zombie Jesus or Robot Jesus – no, I'm not trying to mock the dude, and I think he might chuckle besides. (I keep wondering if this is the difference between Christianity and Islam – Jesus can be treated quite a bit more lightly than The Prophet...) But I digress.
This all reminds me of that old argument: “Guns don't kill people, bullets/people kill people.” Wonderful. This would crack Spock up – have we seen a Spock “LOL” meme yet? – with its bizarre logic. So a dude with a bullet doesn't need a gun? Great! Let's take away the guns, save some metal for more meaningful projects, and see what happens. (Knives – the use of which leave far more identifiable traits and material at a crime scene – might take over in violent crime, or blunt trauma. The medical fees might go up or down...) Same thing with X'mas, I think. It's so much an excuse to spend and show that it ought to be separated from the celebration of the birth of Christ. No, correction: NEEDS to be. Call it X'mas (or maybe just 'Love Day').
...Now that I think about it, given that so much emphasis is placed on the DEATH of Christ (specifically, how he died), why isn't it just represented as t'mas, or T'mas? There are enough crucifixes brandished about anyway – why not? I also have an idea for a story: The Three Wise men are actually aliens from other planets, and couldn't make it in time for the original birth – they arrive NOW (cue Bill Murray's “Only a Carpathian...” lines) and are greatly mystified/annoyed by the modern world's take on a single birth.
But yeah, back to my original point. We should ban Christmas, as it is commonly understood, from being a public holiday. I hold enough respect for Christianity to say this, as much as some Christians will hold for my opposing viewpoint (when they find out), and banish me to their private (ie: subjective – where do the masochists go?) hells.
...Wow. I was sipping English Breakfast tea near the beginning, and I was on message. By now, I've moved onto Slim-Fast (not a meal replacement, but as healthy as anything else I eat nowadays), and you can tell. Maybe I do have ADD...
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